Linus
April 23, 2023
Today I woke up and it was different. I’m just a dog, so there are some things I don’t understand, but I know when something is different. I can either smell, or taste, or feel the difference, and today something on my inside felt not normal anymore. It is not a bad feeling, and it doesn’t hurt but I know. This is how I know I am not a puppy anymore. When you are a dog, you are either Puppy for a lot of many years or Old. So, I think this means I am Old now.
Anyways and Mom keeps saying I’m her Sweet Old Man. I know “old” means I can’t play frisbee anymore with Dad even though I want to. I know “old” means sometimes it is hard to lay down on my bed or sometimes to stand up. This has been going on for a long time, and some days I have an easier time, and sometimes it is too hard, so I just sleep a little longer. One time the stairs were really slippery, and I got stuck so Mom had to hold my back legs to help. She tells me, “I’ll do anything for you, Buddy.”
She has a lot of names for me. Linus is my real name, but I think sometimes she forgets because she says, “Buddy.” “Bubs.” “Bubba.” “Mister.” “Handsome Boy.” “Good Boy.” “Mister Linus.” “Rafiki.” “Old Man.” But I know they are all my names because of the way she says them because her words are warm, and her eyes get sparkles like when we go to the water and the sun sparkles on the waves that crash and then chase me. When she calls me Old Man though, sometimes her eyes leak, and I can smell the tears and they smell warm-sad. She calls me Bubs the most though. I like that name. It sounds like Happy.
In the morningtimes, Mom comes to find me and sometimes I sleep in the bathroom where I am closer to her and can watch her door, and sometimes I sleep by the window to make sure the house is safe while my people sleep. Sometimes I sleep in the place they call my “Box.” They say, “Go to your Box.” And I know this means the place with the black lines made of metal and has a roof that feels like a den and has my snuggliest blanket and pillow and sometimes snacks. I like my box. It feels like Safe. So, I sleep in many places. When I was first in this body and she was first my Mom, I would sleep next to her in bed and she would hold me really close and then I got too big and Independent so I would sleep at the bottom of the bed and then one day I went to my own bed on the ground and I like this bed too because it is special just for me.
In the morningtimes, when she comes to find me, I can hear her go sneak-sneak-sneak. She doesn’t think I can hear her because she is so quiet, and I know she doesn’t want to wake me up, but if she looked very very closely, she could see that my ear twitched just a tiny little bit. Sometimes she sneaks up on me so much I jump and bark real loud to let her know I wasn’t sleeping, and I was on protect-duty the whole time. At least that’s what I want her to think so she doesn’t know I can’t hear as well as I used to when I was Puppy.
Anyway, she always tells me “Good job being such a good Protector,” so I think I am tricking her still. I just want her to think I will keep her safe for as long as I am Dog because she gives me a lot of snacks and so that is how I say, “Thank you.” She also gives me lots of pets. Mostly on my head and in between my ears because I don’t like belly rubs or butt scratches like other dogs, but I don’t know why. But she gives good head rubs, and I wiggle my nose closer to her and I close my eyes and I melt a little bit into her.
It’s really special in the morning time when no one else is awake and it is just us. Like when I was new. What she does is, she finds me, and she sneak-sneaks and she gets down on the ground with me. I know it is her because of her smell but also the way her knee goes “crack!” when she gets low and that is when I open my eyes. When she lays down next to me, I don’t have to do anything. This is nice. I don’t have to lift my head or make my body get out of bed or get uncomfortable because she just comes to me.
When she is low on the ground with me, she talks to me with her eyes. Sometimes I understand and sometimes I try but don’t know for sure, but she puts her hand on my head and with her thumb she rubs the spot in between my eyes but a little bit higher, where it swoops, and then sometimes she moves her hand and now rubs the side of my face right below my eyes. I know by how she does this that she loves me.
I don’t know if you know this, but dogs know what love is. It is not just for humans. I try to say it with my words, but it just sounds like “BORK,” so I try to show like, when the little tip of my tail goes back and forth. When it is just the end of my tail, it is a secret Love message just for the person who can see it- like Mom. When my whole tail goes back and forth it is because I am really excited, but I want everyone to know. Also, sometimes when I lick your face. Or when I go to sleep by my humans’ feet. Or if I bring you a toy, or if you throw the stick and you can’t find it, I will go find it and bring it back to you because Love. When my people feel sad – and I know sad is when the people smell like the color blue – and I come over and put my head under their hand it is also because Love. Love is also why I try not to let my humans know I am more tired or if my belly doesn’t feel good because I don’t want them to worry, so I do my best to act like Puppy when I can.
So this morning, when I woke up and knew I was different inside, I didn’t let mom know. When she came to find me and I heard her knee go CRACK and she rubbed my head and said “Good Morning Mr. Bubba,” I flicked my tail a little bit and I stretched and I pushed my body up from my bed with all my might and I tried not to make noises like it was hard so she wouldn’t worry. I know that after she says these words, she goes into the room called Kitchen with all the snacks and she makes a drink called Coffee. I know this because she says, “Let’s go make Coffee.” It took me lots of years to know Coffee was a drink and not time to play but now I understand. When the Coffee is being made, then she goes to the bathroom and I follow her, but I am not ready to go to the bathroom yet. Maybe in like one hour. Then when Coffee is ready, she makes two cups and this is my second favorite part of the morning: together, we go and wake up my Big Guy.
My Big Guy is the best. He is so tall and nice and he takes good care of my mom in the ways I cannot because I am a dog. But also he has very slippery fingers. Sometimes I think he should see a human doctor because all the time, his fingers don’t work and he drops chimken and other meat and sometimes cheese and he always says, “Oops! It’s so slippery.” Mom doesn’t have slippery fingers so I think it’s a condition. But, since it is food that is on the ground, I am allowed to have it. So I like that he drops things all the time, even if I worry about that his hands don’t work.
I am a smart dog. I have a good strong nose. Sometimes Big Guy drops things like onions and garlic and I know not to eat those things. I do not like the green stuff that is like a leaf from an outside bush. I like the orange carrots and I like the cucumbers. I like the peanut butter which never drops on the ground but sometimes they give me a spoon with peanut butter and it is a special treat and I know it is because I am a Good Boy. My mom gives me lots of special treats which I may have told you about.
Also something you should know about me is because I don’t like belly rubs or butt scratches, and I also don’t like to be held or hugged. And I also don’t like to share my food, and also I don’t like other things that other dogs like, and because sometimes I show how big and strong my teeth are when the humans get too close to my food, I get to have my own special area to eat. I think this is nice because I don’t have to worry about anyone taking my food. I don’t know why I worry because no one has taken my food but you just never know. So I protect it a lot and maybe too much, but my humans- they understand, and I have three humans. Mom, Big Guy, and Little Guy. I will tell you about all of them because they are all my favorite. But oh yeah- I forgot I was telling you about Big Guy and his slippery hands and how mom and I take him Coffee in the morning and this is how we wake him up.
She says, “OK let’s go wake up Big Guy” and then we walk together to the bedroom. I don’t get to spend much time in there because I make too many licking sounds and also because even though I think I am doing them a favor by leaving pieces of my fur in there they say it’s too much. So I only go in the morning which makes it extra special and I get to look forward to it every night when I go to bed.
Mom and I go to where he is sleeping and she says, “Good Morning, Handsome Man.” And then she gives him a kiss. And then his Coffee and then it is my turn. I walk to the edge of the bed and he leans down to give me a head scratch and my tail wags so much because like I said it is my second favorite part of the morning and he says, “Good Morning, Bubs” or “Good Morning, Rafiki” and I am so happy. When I was a Puppy, I would stand on my back legs to get closer to him, but it is too hard now. I still sometimes try my best and sometimes I can but not all the days.
After this, he says, OUT! But he is not serious just funny, And mom and I both leave and this is the way it goes every morning and I like knowing the way things work. Then, usually, mom goes to her special coffee chair and I go to my special pillow next to her, so she can still reach me in case of emergency, and so I can make sure she is protected, and we do this until it is time for outside clothes and shoes.
I know this might not sound like an exciting morning to you but it is the best to me. I know other dogs get to go on walks in the morning because I can see them from my window, and when I was a Puppy I liked to go on them but now I like watching them. I can watch, and remember all the walks and the memories make me happy. Sometimes when I sleep I remember them too. When I sleep, I can still run as fast as the wind and I can chase the frisbee for a hundred miles and I can swim across the entire lake so that is why I like sleeping a lot, in case you were wondering. When I sleep I can do all the things I could do when I was young, before I got Old.
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Very sweet and touching
Pinche dust.